Touch can be a powerful way to connect. Touch can also feel unwanted or unsafe.
Eye contact can feel like a deep connection. It also can feel like an invasive stare.
What's the difference?
Today I'm writing about the second movement in the dance of attunement - Contact
When we are genuinely present with each other, contact often happens naturally. This could be physical touch or eye contact - and it may be brief or sustained - it all depends...
And that's the thing about attunement, it's a moment to moment experience.
It's the opposite of someone just making assumptions about you. Or you making assumptions about them.
With attuned contact, you are continually taking each other in.
Attuned contact is listening. Listening through your touch. Listening with your gaze.
We sometimes think of making contact as an action - but it can be a very receptive act.
Here's a practice I first learned playing with children. It's simple and powerful and I have since found it to be applicable to any relationship. It's called Touch and Go.
There's someone you want to connect with - a partner or your child or a friend...
First take a moment to be present with yourself, turn inward for a moment.
Then move toward this person to connect - with a simple touch or with your eyes. When you connect - listen - take them in - really.
And then release them, let them go. Don't linger or try to make something more happen. Touch...and go....
You can move toward and then away. Then toward again. And away again.
With touch and go there is no pressure or expectation. But the contact, however brief, is real.
And this contact can open a door to a new level of interaction...and the attunement deepens.
Next week... we'll explore Reflection...