I am here because you see me. How you see me shapes how I am.
Today I'm writing about another aspect of attunement - Reflection
When we are babies, we do not feel separate from our mothers. Our mother reflects our experiences and emotions back to us and this is how we learn about ourselves.
And this continues as we grow and other people respond to us and reflect back what they experience of us, verbally and non verbally.
When these reflections come from an attuned place and are accurate - are true reflections of how we feel and how we are- this is wonderful. We begin to know ourselves more deeply and we feel more known.
But this isn't how it always goes...
When someone isn't perceiving us - isn't present and connected to us - isn't really taking us in.... they still offer a reflection. Only it is a distorted reflection.
This is very disturbing. When your experience of how things feel doesn't match the reflection you receive from another, it can be bewildering. Especially for a young child.
Here's the good news. We are naturally gifted as human beings at offering reflections that are accurate. It's not something we have to effort at.
If we are present with someone, and we really take them in... it happens naturally. And when you experience this kind of reflection yourself, you know it - because you feel met and seen.
You can play with this...
Take a moment to be present with yourself, turn inward for a moment.
Then let your attention move to someone you are with - listen - take them in. Allow how they are and how they feel to affect you.
Then come back to yourself and notice what you notice.
We naturally resonate with each other. We can feel it happen if we pause to notice.
Allowing this to happen is a gift we can offer to one another. And it can be very healing for us too.
Next week... we'll explore Responsiveness...which naturally follows Reflection...